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Revu2 · Aug 31, 2023 at 10:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by delightful

I'm thinking about Barbara Sher's comments about making lists that start at the end and work up the beginning.

Reverse Planning. Big fan.

About your other new challenges, those could be more fun than you might think. They're different, fresh skills, new connections to people.

My review quote today:

Quote:

4. Practice at least a dozen firm but polite variations on “no” until you can say them in your sleep. Then use them whenever needed—which will be all the time. The best way to stop yourself becoming overloaded is to refuse to take an anything else. If the person giving you yet more work is your boss, ask for clear priorities, explaining that you need be sure what to drop to make way for the new piece of work. You’ll be surprised how often this will make a boss reconsider.

I'm pairing this with 'V ariation' from the affirming side. Living in Seattle after moving here from NYC, I see lots of people confused about "No." They too often will agree to something and then later fail to show up or follow through. It wasn't till I'd found the book, "I Wish I'd Said That" by Linda McCallister that it finally made sense. The issue is what is the speaker intending. In the style she calls 'reflective' someone agreeing to something which they have some probability of failing to do is acceptable because their intention (probably out of awareness) is to keep THIS conversation harmonious. They feel a "no" would be disruptive and the other people might not see them in a good light.

At great expense (meaning my assistant did it) I've reproduced her test and listed a thumbnail of the scoring. Take a look.

Test (it's set to "viewer" make a copy to use)

Style Descriptions

Once had a great riff with someone as we fantasized about marketing a set of cards with variations of NO on each one. One for any occasion.

Here's a quote we might have used:

“Remember to act always as if you were at a symposium. When the food or drink comes around, reach out and take some politely; if it passes you by don't try pulling it back. And if it has not reached you yet, don't let your desire run ahead of you, be patient until your turn comes. Adopt a similar attitude with regard to children, wife, wealth and status, and in time, you will be entitled to dine with the gods. Go further and decline these goods even when they are on offer and you will have a share in the gods' power as well as their company. That is how Diogenes, Heraclitus and philosophers like them came to be called, and considered, divine.”
― Epictetus, The Art of Living: The Classical Manual on Virtue, Happiness and Effectiveness