Hi @CANDC, you know, it is playing the music what fulfills me. It is not listening to it, but actively creating the tones.

Right now, I don't even listen to music because I know that I lost the ability to play for a long time (if not completely). Also, it was some kind of a coping mechanism for me. Although it was not 100% efficient, it helped in some way.
I have also other concerns, but this was the thing I could rely on anytime. It feels as if I lost a loved one. Now, I feel completely lost.