Hi, Jesyka!

QUOTE:

“Actually, I prefer to confront people directly. I’m nit confontstional. I’m just direct & not afraid of being honest with people. I enjoy putting people in their place when they misbehave actually, lol 😆 “

Do you think adults enjoy a friendship or spending time with someone who enjoying “putting people at their place”?
What you mean by putting people at their place is questionable because when there could be something you see as the norm and acceptable, others may see it as different.
Do you like people putting you at your place?

That only creates bad vibes.
I’m not telling you to be a doormat but defend your rights and your boundaries with intelligence. Without closing doors for you.

First at all, I would begin by being respectful of others’ time. And don’t rush communicating your upsettings with people. If you feel bothered by someone, try to keep calm, study the situation from the distance. Normally, things people do that may bother us, are behaviours we also exhibit with other people or even the same ones.
You need to step away and gain a distance to be able to see clearly.
People like you or me who have social anxiety overthink so much and monitor each detail in a social interaction and tend to stress on the few clues that are gonna lean in our own sense of inadequacy.

Reading your threads I came across you have some passive-aggressive responses. Do you remember you labelled a friend of you as a people pleaser and said she displayed passive-aggressive behaviours.
I see these kind of behaviours in you. So, I would better look at myself and see my own patterns before trying to analyse others.
For example; you don’t like a pic of you taken. Ok. It’s understandable. I don’t like at all, either.
You first kept saying to them no. But after they pushed you, you finally accepted so your angry with them is growing inside (passive) until you burst and send them a message telling them off (aggressive).

It’s very important that you first look at yourself before questioning what others do.
And even when you question others, no way you’re gonna change them unless they want. So it’s pointless to ask for explanations, or confronting them. You will only get them to go off and you don’t give any opportunity for them to choice if it matters the effort and respect your boundaries.

In the way you analyse yourself, you’re gonna be so satisfied from what you have learnt that setting boundaries is gonna be spontaneous and people will see this respect you feel for yourself reflected.

I tried to encourage you to look for biography about assertiveness, social skills…you might find it very helpful what you learnt and it’s gonna be very good for you as it was for me.
I was passive-aggressive as help. Due to my insecurities. I was always on defence mode.
Give it try.

Thousands of apologises for the long text.

To sump it up

- Focus on yourself. Your patters. (Writing on a journal would be a good idea and re read it from time to time)
- Don’t act at the heat of the moment (reflexion)
- The only person you can change is yourself
- Work on assertiveness (help to identify passive-aggressive behaviours and give a more accurate response in social situations, taking into account not only your rights but other people’s ones that are also at the same level of importance)