Are these people friends?
I've had a hard time making friends due to past experience being bullied badly at school to the point I had to change schools to University. What I thought were friends turn out to be bullies.

So now I'm like very ninja you could say what people say and if someone says something that upsets me I will ruminate about it for days or even weeks. It's like a song stuck in my head.
I am seeing a therapist but she away for 3 weeks on holiday. I only have had 3 sessions with her so ...just early stages.
I'm just struggling to cope until I see her.

So I thought to come here and see if anyone else experience rumination with interactions with friendships what they say.

Also I'm interested in your view if these people are friends. I've ran into trouble last year for example of a friend that used me as a emtoional validation machine and then ghost me. So now I'm like super suss of people.
I tend to end up with people who seem to have lack of empathy that's what my therapist said anyways.

I have written two experience as of rescently with two friends. I've made up their names for their sake of privacy.
Friendship Rory.

Been friend since mid last year from art class I attend to.

I sent him a message about my sister and her weird discoloured pattern on her leg. I also explained why my sister was born with heart disease and why I was concerned. Since we are unsure if it could be her blood circulation. My message was long. I will admit to explaining everything. what I noticed was the lack of response but also the message I received from him was like a 5 year old message you. What I meant by 5 year I meant the lack of emotional intelligence and response to it. I ended up feeling hurt , dismissed and that I don't matter as a friend.

Here is the message First message -
Me - " gosh talking about stress on different levels. You work for my sister's health. She has what is called Congenital heart disease. Basically she had open heart surgery when she was born and again at 2. Last year they looked inside to see what was going on cause her oxygen level would drop when walking to 80%. And they found holes on her artificial valve. They tried to cover up the holes but it didn't work. They thought it would be best to leave it because if they fiddle with it more it would make the holes bigger. Anyways, nothing much improved from there. Like when she goes for long walks her legs will ache because the body struggles to pump the blood up. Just recently, maybe the past 2 years she has had issues.

Anyways to get the point of what I'm saying lol. She has having this weird pattern on her ankle sense June. It looked like this first"Show photos of her leg. "so we sat at the emergency doctors for 40! mins!!! and the doctor doesn't know what it is. He said it looks like when you stand too close to heat and your skin does that. He says it's not blood circulation because her feet and legs are puffy. He looked at her blood test results from recently no immune disease or blood disease.

Rory message - Off to pub quiz atm, so I won't be able to answer for a while! Sorry

Rory replied back and said this "Oof we came second" Ohno your poor sister has congenital heart disease D:That looks concerning.

Me- replied back " oh damn that is awesome!! Yeah she was born with it. It is concerning, they still don't know what it is. It feels like a episode of House from that doctor tv series ( I replied back to previous conversation) yeah! lol it's like no. You probably just like the culture that is fine. I recalled there was a man who had surgery to look Korean and identify himself as Korean. I don't think it does. I think this is the part where the rabbit hole goes down on.

Rory replied back saying "Yeah I thought that was... kinda faked lolLike I wonder how many people are doing it because they're obsessed with kpop haha I think that guy who had the surgery said he had lived in Korea before, so it's fine, but even then I'm like eeeeehhhhhh (Rory never replied back to my message about my sister)

I sent another paragraph message. But I deleted because he didn't reply back to it , I believe a day. Which is unusual for him because he usually replies.I thought I was being annoying to him so I deleted it because I was afraid I would lose him as a friend. Based on past experiences where I've sent long messages and people stop talking to me, without saying anything. They just "ghost" you.

So I thought what I did was the right thing.

Rory replied not long after I deleted the message and he said "Aye sorry I didn't get around to reading the rest of your leg story xDsometimes when I see it's an essay, I'm like 'Haven't got time to tackle this yet, will come bakc to it' sorry about that .

Me - replied "oh I wasn't too sure if you wanted to know the leg story. I thought I was annoying you it's not you. Just my past stuff. No need to say sorry.I thought you might find the leg story interesting. The doctor reckons it's this (sent a photo what the doctor thought it was)

He didn't reply back for a while. I became concerned he was upset
so I messaged this " oh I gotcha. I do find it hard to dense down a message. I heard it's part of dyslexia, my therapist told me. You over explain things cause you are worried the person won't understand you. I will try my best to keep it short. Thank you for letting me know though. It is helpful .

Rory reacted to the photo with the emoji shocked face. and replied hours later saying this.
"Haha nah just if it's an essay, it means I'll get back to you a bit later cuz I've been at work xD"

I felt upset because he didn't say anything about how my sister was. So I felt he didn't care as a friend. I replied the next day saying "oh okay good all good." He didn't reply after 2 days. Which is unusual for him, so I felt nervous and worried I would be rejected as a friend so I sent him a video which he replied back to about.

After Ten days later. We catch up with other friends. We were at a restaurant and Kate another friend part of the group asked me how my sister was. I explain to them about it and how she doesn't look after herself and I get caught into the drama. Then Rory asked what we were talking about and so I mentioned we were talking about my sister and her leg and he said in an annoying voice mainly towards Sarah the other friend not directly at me.
"Oh I remember, she sent me this long essay about her sister's leg" and I felt attacked. And he went on to say "yeah and she deleted it" I said to Sarah because I felt attacked "I thought he was annoyed at me" and then Rory said " I was busy that week writing my report".

Other examples of Rory's behaviour. I messaged him about how this angry old man told me to pick up my dog's poop when I was walking my dog, even though I didn't have any poop bags with me. And how the old man told me to go back and get the poop, to the point I had to change directions because the old man was standing in my way. Rory's response was did I pick up the poop. I said no, that meant I had to drive back. And he said how he keeps walking on poop. I joked and said do you watch where you are going? and he told me his story of how he stepped on poop at school and expected validation from me. But it didn't validate me at all about the old man who got angry at me.

Another time was when Kate mentioned how an old work friend emailed her and said how he got fired from work and said to her I won't bite your dog's head off. Kate was upset and I could understand this same with Sarah. Though Rory I'm not sure because he said "That doesn't make logical sense she doesn't have a dog". And both myself and Sarah knew this was a figure of speech but I don't know if Rory noticed this.


Kate
Went to the Barbie film and after the movie finished. Kate started to discuss the Barbie movie politically. I thought to tell her my different experience being around empowered women growing up. I said to her my mum was a single mother and she had to bring up my sister and I and work and clean the house. I said that was empowering and Kate said no that is not empowering and turned her head away from me. I felt angry but didn't react but I also felt very deeply hurt and didn't know what else to say.

After the film Kate went on to talk to me and Rory about her online boyfriend and how she isn't attracted to him and how he might be coming overseas to see her. She said how she felt "bad" if he came over and she was not attracted to him. She also mentioned something personal and asked us if it was weird that her old boyfriend she used to go out with, wanted to have sex with her with her mother in the same room sleeping. Both Rory and I said that was weird. She then lectured me about feminist and how men can't express their emotions due to society. I knew this but I felt like I had to "pretend" to not know this. I do not know why I didn't feel like I could speak up and say "yes I know this".

Another occasion we were in the restaurant with Rory,Sarah,Kate and I. Kate was talking about how it would be nice if the world was nice and people cared. I said " Yeah ceos are psychopathic" I don't think I explained myself clearly. What I was trying to say is that people who are in HUGE power are psychopathic and well..there's evil in the world and you can't escape it. Kate randomly jumped in and said "Not everything is psychology" I felt attacked. I felt judged. I thought maybe she thought this because I told her I go to therapy and one time she randomly messaged me asking how often I go to therapy. I felt it was a personal question and felt a bit sussed with the question. I told her once or every 2 weeks it depends. I asked why and she said she was thinking about going back to therapy.

Same day
Later on I mentioned how I saw this post on a paranormal facebook group. I explained to Kate it was a photo of a portrait against glass window at a shop and it said "Bought twice, Return Twice are you brave enough" she didn't seem to get the joke and asked why it was return and I said probably because the people thought it was cursed and she said "I don't believe in curses"

Anyways during the time I spent with Kate,Sarah and Rory on that day at the restaurant. went on about some prison test she didn't explain and how it shows it became corrupt with people having power. And how it's in our nature to become toxic if anyone has a lot of power. I try to relate back and tell her about Lizzo coming into fame and now there is HUGE toxic stuff coming out about how she treats her dancers. I said to her it goes back to what you said but she seems to disagree. I felt confused. When we left the restaurant, Sarah left and Kate and I waited for Rory. I realised that Kate parked where I parked last time. I felt a bit creeped out by that just because last time she picked the same drink as me when we went out for dinner and then Rory did.

Anyways, Rory mentioned reptilians. I joked and said oh yeah reptilians they thought the Queen was one and now she is dead. I was making a point that she was not a reptilian because she died and people on the internet thought she was reptilian because she lived so long. I did mention how they think the eyes change and my friend believes in it. Suddenly out of the blue Kate said "maybe that's her perspective" I felt confused about what she meant by the word perspective it didn't make sense to me. I felt attacked and said casually "Oh she is a family friend" and Kate said "ohhh....well people can change beliefs" and I still felt a bit attacked but I agreed with her. Then she mentioned how people believe we are in a stimulation and how Elon musk believes it and there has been evidence of it. I felt uncomfortable and weirded out and thought to just agree in case Kate attacks me again.

Thank you for reading my long message I do appreciate it.

Any insights or thoughts would be helpful.