We agreed we got carreid away and were to soon. For now, due to medical reasons nothing is allowed until two weeks after a surgical procedure. We will have "permission" on September 26.
The physical contact we have - both when dancing and when we sleep in the same bed - feels great. I do believe her when she says so, even when she is confused about the intensity of the physical response. We share this feeling. After what happened with my ex wife, I thought I would have forever lost the ability to feel intimately connected to somebody but now, I feel even more connected that I have ever experienced before.

It is probably worth to mention that we both came from long-term relationships with parthers that were labeld as having narcissitic traits.

[QUOTE=TishaBuv;7362572]I have been wondering. I had a traumatizing experience in the past, with my ex-wife forcing her stories of her on night stands upon me and inflicting physical pain. Was it wrong to be open about that so that my new partner knows where my insecurity came from?
I was nervous about sex because I was afraid it would trigger something and apparently, I came over as hesitant which made her worry and I saw no other option than to tell her.
Not that I can take this back of course ....

I read some replies that suggest that my current connection will be key. It is there; we did not do much, it was her wish to wait. We cuddle, we kiss mostly and we both feel everything is extremely intense, so much so that as long as we even touch, we will eventuall turn to each other and start all over again. We are communicating throughout the entire day (even if we both have our day time occupations) so I think we do have a great connection.
Is it just unlucky that my current girlfriend had these same experiences that were traumatizing for me (exploring pain) with somebody and really enjoyed them? She opened up about this because she once did a boudoir photography session with hints to this period, which strengthens my idea this was so valuable to her, she has nowhere to look but down after that.

In my thinking , people's preferences are shaped by their past experiences. When I follow that line, I will never be able to offer that experience. She called it a phase, and in my thinking she realizes that after that nobody will ever have anything of value to offer her.. Just because she has these cherished memories.
And even if I would some day feel the desire to experience these things, she might not be willing to do so because it will blemish what I thinks of as the favourite part of her sexual development.

And sometimes I think that, if it is really all about connection, we will cater to each other's needs. We might even be doing so already, by the way we kiss and the way we carress.

And in the end, even if I always think I don't, I do have experience and probably the same anything-goes attitude. I don't normally tend to think back of what I once did in the sack but I have been doing so lately as if I am trying to find proof of my experience and worthiness. It is astonishing how little vivid memories I have and how few concrete situations or actions I remember. A general atmosphere of a period within a relationship, yes, but hardly ay special moments (and I only remember them now because I have been digging for them).
Oddly enough, I was familiar with some of the things that became traumatizing later and that now terrify me as an experience my current girlfriend has. These memories only came back because I was digging for them.

I really hope I can get this working because relationships do strand on problems on a sexual level.