I don’t think it’s fair to assume that people who don’t socialize produce great work and those who socialize don’t. There’s really no correlation.

I also think we need to distinguish what’s a requirement (will you be fired if you don’t respond to a chat?) and what’s an expectation and what’s just a suggestion.

I also don’t think it’s realistic that everyone in this company socializes with coworkers 24/7 like they have no families or hobbies or household obligations. Even the most social person on this planet has other stuff besides chatting with work colleagues.

And I think maybe because I am older I don’t understand saying “yes” to social things I don’t want to do (not job description). I participate in chats when I feel like it and don’t when I don’t feel like it. I don’t have any desire to explain it to anyone. You can’t pay me enough to attend weekend or after work activities with coworkers unless they are my actual friends (some are). I have a group of coworkers who like to get together on Friday after work. If I am asked why I am not coming, I say I have other plans. I might feel like going once in a blue moon but normally I don’t. I don’t care what others think about it.

Maybe you’d benefit from learning to say “no thanks” and not agonize over it. And if you work from home, it’s even easier. Turn notifications off. Unplug. Manager asked why you didn’t attend or didn’t reply. Say you had other plans or were busy or just weren’t available and go on with your life. Just because she asks, it doesn’t mean you need to lose sleep over it