Christ wtf is wrong with the programming of my mind..

I'll never be able to catch up, or undo the trauma. Maybe it will happen within this lifetime, idk.. If I knew that it wouldn't, I would rather die - But also I know that I'd just sit like everyone else, not knowing the truth (Or caring).

People are stressed.. Post traumatic stressed.. All they do is distract and soothe, relieve pain, find comfort, chase pleasure.. But all of that is fine.. Maybe I'm overthinking again..

Some people are labelled with numbers, or have curses, or have illnesses, differences, disabilities, never in the same location.. We are to find the location that brings unity..

I listen to everyone.. But I'm tired of being dragged into the wrong places (Even by myself, at times).. I'm trying to find unity within myself (That's what I NEED). So I have to go away, and be quiet, away from toxic people.. But no one is perfect.. I'm not perfect.. And never will be.. The world is imperfectly perfect, yeah.. It's what ever I want.. But there's a problem..

I think you're right (About the mindless things, to keep me content.. Or some hobbies.. But isn't driving myself nuts my hobby? It's what I've always done..).. Do I regret that? Idk..