I am so sorry. My mind is just boggled that the therapist was so insensitive and disrespectful to your feelings. Yeah, maybe she's trying to provoke something in him or get to a point, but it strikes me as unprofessional at best for her to subject you to that in the process. Just SMH here.

It really doesn't feel like marriage counseling Shouldn't marriage counseling be about the marriage? About finding unity and harmony? It almost seems like it's not marriage counseling, but more like some kind of tandem counseling session where he dominates. But it doesn't sound like he's working very hard to come towards the center and you, so where does it go?

That comment she made would have lost and bothered me as well. What could the point of that be? Again, does she realize that you're in the room???

Based on patterns, if this were my marriage, my suspicion would be that my H realized that over the last few weeks he's lost control of the narrative, and is doubling down on it by going back to the original issue that caused the stress and problems. Is it possible that he's resurrecting it to try to put himself back in the driver's seat?

Maybe your individual counselor might have some better ideas for you? Wow, my heart hurts for you.

My gut would be that non reaction serves you better too, but I also understand the reservations about that. If you show emotion, that can be power and control for him. OTOH if you don't react, then maybe you're afraid of giving off the vibe that you aren't very invested?

I'm slowly learning that even if I'm not openly emotional, I can still state my feelings clearly to make them known. You don't have to break down into tears in order to express how you're feeling, and to make a strong point. Unfortunately, I'm often caught off guard in situations like that and can't always organize thoughts in the moment . With practice, it gets easier though.

It does sound like there are some parallels between your H's family and mine, but that's probably not all that surprising. It seems like this was covered in the PA book, about how PA develops because open assertiveness and emotional displays aren't tolerated in the FOO. My in-laws are those old school "boys don't cry" type, and H only has brothers, and the brothers only have sons, so you can probably see the whole systemic dysfunction that could take hold here. But MIL will try to tell DD what she should and shouldn't feel- which just seems so weird to tell another person what's allowed to go on inside of them. MIL acts borderline, with emotions unpredictable and all over the place- so acceptable for her, but no one else. At times I feel so badly for the kid H had to be, but at the same time, I'm not here to pay the penance for it.

I'm so sorry this week went the way it did for you. Keep taking care of yourself and your kids and keep moving one day at a time. I'm glad if I can be here as some help and comfort. There have been some very lonely and confusing episodes in my life the last few years, so I get what it can feel like, and that there aren't always direct answers. There's so little education on the kinds of things we deal with that I have to imagine there are a whole lot of other people out there trying to make sense of something similar and figure out their own direction.

Hugs for you. I hope the coming week is better.