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Member Since: Mar 2022
Location: In the west
Posts: 344
1 yr Member
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Old Sep 09, 2023 at 09:07 PM
It's good to see you back, but sorry to hear that the anxiety reared up to the degree it did. Just remember that setbacks are to be expected. It sounds like you managed through it though, and hopefully it gets better from this point, especially with the adjustment in your medication.

Something that was impressed on me early in CBT is that it's a very slow process. They say that with CBT, you aren't going to wake up next week or even next month and feel significantly different. In fact, it's such a slow process that you probably won't be aware that it's happening - you just realize one day that things are better than they used to be. The slow nature of it can make it hard to stick with, because sometimes it doesn't feel like it's working much. Personally, it was somewhere between six months and a year (probably closer to the year mark) of consistently doing the CBT exercises that there was noticeable improvement. There was a realization one day that the anxiety didn't dictate my day quite so much. And it continued to improve from there.

But as you can see, anxiety is still something I'm prone to, and probably always will be, but the tools I've developed over time allow me to be more resilient, more quickly. Be patient, if you stick with it, you will see improvements.

Do you find physical exercise helps your state of mind? Even just walking will improve my mental health. For me, it's about an hour of walking most days, and there's a click-point where it works. Less than 30 minutes, it's probably not going to give much anxiety relief, and too much is as bad as too little.

I realize your comment was probably about the calorie burning power of nervous energy but of course exercise helps with anxiety sometimes. (Though I've also been in places where the exercise was just too taxing and made things feel worse.)

How's the linoleum project going? Large area or smaller? What's going down once the linoleum is up? It does sound like a good project to keep busy, but yep, different aches that remind you of the mileage .

Woah! What the heck happened with the truck? Is that a common scheme where you live? Or something unusual? That's insane. It's easy to understand why you would be that angry. Holy mackerel…

I'm right there with you on those sky high electric bills. Ours is about the same right now

That's interesting about anxiety and anger not being able to exist in the same space. I've been thinking about that in regard to my own experience- it seems like anxiety causes a flight or freeze reaction, whereas anger triggers more of a fight reaction. Maybe it's that proverbial fight or flight thing? Either/or, but not both? Good question/observation….

You seem like you streamline and organize your life very effectively in a way that suits your needs, and your GFs issues still end up weighing on you a bit. Do you think she could do more to help herself? I know firsthand that things are generally a lot more complicated than they appear on the surface (especially online), so take my words with a grain…. One of my biggest flaws in regards to boundaries and codependency has been taking responsibility for others that they should take for themselves, kwim? I step in and take care of things, rather than allow them to struggle with their own stuff. Sometimes other people need to struggle with their own situations. Of course, sometimes they need a little help too, but it's important to be able to recognize when to step in and when to not. It seems like from past conversations you do pretty well at knowing where your limits are, but are there areas you haven't thought much about, or things you do out of some obligation or habit, or because you figure they aren't that big of a deal? Sometimes it's easy to overlook little things that you may not even realize add up to bigger stressors- things you could transfer back to being the responsibility of the original owner.

But I can relate to what you said to some extent, even though my H is in his mid 50s. There's an unevenness between us at this point that doesn't allow it to look or feel like a well balanced relationship.

The last few days H is shifting sporadically up and down mood-wise, and I'm having to detach and not engage his energy. It's not always easy. He's like a little gray cloud (that may storm or not), stonewalling, guilt tripping, or making provocative, baiting comments. At this point I've largely learned to interact with him without getting sucked into his gravitational pull. Which makes it feel like management rather than a relationship at times.

Glad you are enjoying your laptop . It does sound like you got on a little bit of a roll with it there, but your ability to stop yourself and move out of that space is good. Nice that you found a new game to play. That sounds familiar. Is it being advertised a bit right now?

You are so right that someone who hasn't been there probably isn't going to 'get it.' Others will have easy answers, without understanding how difficult it may actually be, or how unhelpful their advice can come across. I'm probably guilty of pulling a few "suck it up, buttercup"s in my time though.

You commented how your GF gets frustrated with your uncomforting responses to her, and what she perceives as a lack of support. That's something I deal with with my H as well, but from my standpoint, it's about getting fatigued by him. In some ways, he's perpetual chaos and drama, and I don't have the energy to do that day in and day out. If you comfort a friend once in a while, that's a nice, normal empathetic encounter; when you are continually being tapped by a needy SO, you're going to burn out very quickly. That's just my opinion and experience though.

So glad that no ice cream was harmed and that you were able to do some proactive fridge and freezer clean out as a result.

Hope this heat breaks soon, and that everything is going okay otherwise.

Last edited by ArmorPlate108; Sep 09, 2023 at 09:19 PM..
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