I saw my T yesterday and spoke about a work issue that occurred this week which has been upsetting me and it ended up taking the whole session. T listened and shared her thoughts but it wasn’t what I needed. I think that maybe it’s my fault for not being open enough. Now I feel totally disconnected from her and alone. Between sessions i have this perfect fantasy version of T that I hold on to which is painful but also comforting in a way because it feels like a way of staying connected. Now I just feel a sort of emptiness. I am worried she agrees with the other party in the work situation we talked about and I fear she doesn’t like me.

What I really want from T is something she won’t be able to give me. I want her to hug me and tell me everything will be okay and for me to feel safe and able to accept her words and affection. I want her to make me feel like I’m okay and not the POS I think I am.