TRIGGER ****************TRIGGER



DREAM

i was in my old house in manor farm road.grandma was sitting in the corner peeling potatos.I ASKED HER WHY WE'D JUST EATEN, MUM SAID SHE'S GOING MAD. Grandma grabbed my hand. The next minute she was gone. mum was going round manicly, talking about me and shouting and telling me i'm no good. i ws telling hershe is a bad mother. she kept asking me why, smirking. I was cleaning out her sewing box, a plastic one with lots of compartments, all the time thinking i'd finished and then there wasmore stuff, beads and others stuff.she was smirking and saying i'd changed . i shouted it it was because i didn't need her anymore and she had no control over me. she said why was she so bad. i grabbed her face and pulled the skin back taught and went right up to her and looked her in the eye. i said how would she like it if someone was sexually molesting her as a child while her mother looked on. i asked her if she'd enjoyed watching and she said ... yes .... i shouted you ***** you ***** and woke up screaming at her .... i was shaking and crying and i hated her so much. Tony was in the bath but it was downstairs in the dream and he was telling her how much he hated her and what a ***** she was ..... she said sh'd had enough of my grandma too and i said well f--- off and i'll look after her then.

she asked if anne was in this time when i called her, smirking. she said anne was HER friend. I told her anne hated her and thought she was a ***** too.

12/6/08

Tony calmed me down, i've had a diazapam and a milky drink .... i've saved this to show my t.

jinny still shaking .....