ccl, By your own admission you have said that you aren't honest with your doctors. You go to one doctor for each symptom, I think that's what you said before. You need to have one doctor for everything and be completely honest with what's going on. Self-medicating is not the answer. You've said you have psychotic features but I don't see an anti-psychotic in your list of self medicating. I think you need to be completely honest with the doctor you do have, and I hope that is a pdoc and not a GP. I feel the same way about being hospitalized but even I went to one last week for evaluation to see whether admission was the right thing for me, they said not. I really think if you're going to one pdoc and you're completely honest with him/her and stop self-medicating that you'll have a far better chance at feeling better.

Like others have previously said, I don't think what I say is going to change your mind cuz this is not the first time I've given you this advice.

Whatever you do, I'll be here to support you but I just wish you'd stop fighting this so that you can get the proper care so that you can begin to feel better. Keep posting. (((((((ccl)))))))))