Have you been diagnosed or you are in the process to be analysed for a diagnosis?
I see as a very good point that you realised about some errors you made in the past. It may seem at the beginning very overwhelming and sure you feel guilty and sorry but isn’t it fantastic that you realised? Many people find it very hard or don’t get it.
I insist again on the diagnosis because I don’t know if you read about BPD because you have suspicious or you already were diagnosed. It’s very important to know.
I tell you because somebody here unluckily diagnosed me and I read and read about BPD and I even reach to a point after the reading that I thought I had BPD. Then, my psychiatrist said no and gave to me a different diagnosis.
Anyway, BPD is not a sentence. I learnt a lot about it and it isn’t. There’s too much stigma about it that doesn’t help patients with this disorder and there’s a whole spectrum.
P.S.: Very welcome to the forum.