In late 2021, on a website that places personal trainers in individual relationships with clients so that personal trainers come to their homes, I met this woman, Leticia, and we instantly hit it off. I thought that she was everything I possibly wanted in that role and soon thereafter we agreed that she would be my trainer directly, without the website on which I found her, and this way I got a $10 discount from the price of a training session and she probably got more than she had been getting from the network when they had been paying her after taking their cut.

We had sessions 2-3 a week and she was very flexible with me and I was very flexible with her. I admit to sometimes being late and she would wait for me. She would sometimes be VERY late or eventually not show up at all and it was OK with me.

Sometimes she would suddenly say that she needed a trip as a self-care step and be gone for a little while. When she went on one of the longer trips, she asked me to prepay for 10 sessions and I did. When she came back, she thanked me very much for that as it turned out that the money went to some action towards promoting her start-up.

While having sessions with her, I was also on Ozempic, a weight loss drug. The primary and immediate reason for my morbid obesity was Zyprexa but prior to Zyprexa I had, over the years, taken other weight gaining drugs such as Seroquel and Depakote. I would say that Depakote and Zyprexa are, in my experience, the worst offenders.

Eventually my psychiatrist found another antipsychotic for me, Latuda. Latuda gives me EPS and kills the libido (something I currently am OK with) but is not weight gaining and it works supremely for mood stability. I also take a small dose of Seroquel purely for sleep; it is not a weight gaining dose.

Somehow the combination of these factors: weight training, Ozempic, and going off of Zyprexa resulted, over the course of about a year, in my losing over 50 lbs. My blood work also became better than it had been when many years ago I had been much lighter on my feet but had not done any weight training.

When it was one year since I started my relationship with Leticia, I took her out to a restaurant to celebrate. Earlier, just to show my appreciation, I took her out to a ballet with the San Jose Dance theater and she liked it a lot. It was her first time seeing a ballet.

She was patient with some of my limitations, such as my inability to quickly remember the sequence of movements. I would often have her stand in front of me with her back to me so that I would copy her movements because I have extremely poor spatial intelligence and do not, unlike other people, easily "get" how to move my body a certain prescribed way.

She praised my progress but still pushed me. I thanked her profusely and genuinely for all she had been doing for me and she kept saying that it had been my work.

Every session, she would greet me with a hug. It was at first a little unusual but I quickly came to like it.

When I had a small crisis related to a protracted litigation with my ex husband, I confided in her. I also told her about my illness and medications because it was relevant to the work we were doing together.

When her mother died (with whom she had not had a good relationship), she shared a lot of feelings with me. I welcomed that and felt comfortable with that.

I shared with her regarding my dating life.

She shared with me the news when she bought a fixer-upper (note that I cannot afford owning a home).

She would call me "my friend'. And here is where I think it was taken too far.

In April 2023, she suddenly said that she needed a trip, again for self-care. I did not think twice and I assumed it would be for several weeks, as had been known to happen. I prepaid for 10 sessions, just in case, thinking that she would then have these sessions with me upon her return, as, again, had already happened once. It is just that this time around, she did not ask me to prepay.

A couple of weeks after she left, I posted a glowing review of her on LinkedIn.

I had some good selfies taken after 5K walks and I emailed them to her and she sent me back a bunch of heart emojis.

Eventually she updated me that she was staying in SoCal (I am in NoCal) to sell her late grandma's house.

In July, I received an email from San Jose Dance Theater announcing the Dracula ballet on Oct 13. Remembering how much she liked that ballet I took her to in 2022, I wanted the two of us to go again to celebrate our 2 years together and I emailed her saying that I still hoped that one day she would be back and offered to go to the ballet together (my treat). She eagerly agreed. I had a promotional discount which I used on two tickets, calendared that event and continued waiting for her.

She at some point offered me personal training over Zoom but I did not want that, I wanted the real thing.

In the meantime, likely from stopping to train, I started to regain a bit of weight. I told her. I asked for a referral to train with someone in the meantime. She said sure and also suggested that I use the rowing machine in my complex' little gym, if only for 10 mins. The thing is, I was using the rowing machine and for longer than that but cardio does not do it for me; I need strength training and it is well known that for weight loss, strength training is more important (while cardio is great for mental health, of course, and a host of other benefits).

Worried about what was happening to me, I asked her to connect me with a colleague in the meantime. She did not respond. Then, she responded mentioning a friend by the first name but not making the connection.

I gave it some time. I then repeated my request, this time asking to introduce me to that friend/colleague of hers. She went incommunicado and I have not heard from her since.

Note that at some point, more than a month ago, in response to my sounding a little impatient over email, she sent me a huge screenshot of her messages with somebody regarding the sale of the house and told me that she had actually just returned (not telling me) but needed to go back to finalize the sale. Again, I have not heard from her and she has never connected me with her friend.

I kicked myself for letting it go for that long and started searching for a new trainer. I insisted on not signing a long term contract because I still thought that she was the best trainer for me but that she was more than a little odd and quirky and that I needed to wait it out. I finally signed a three month contract with a service to send a trainer to me 3X a week. The price is almost as good as what she had been charging me since early 2022 (and we have obviously had unprecedented inflation) but to get this good price I needed to commit to 3 months and 3X a week.

The trainer is this young Turkish guy, a body builder who has built himself up from a very modest state, if the old pictures he showed me are actually true pictures of him when he was young (I am a little distrustful). He participates in competitions and it all checks out: I googled him and he has an unusual first name last name combo so yes it is he. He is a veteran of Turkey's army.

He tried selling supplements to me but I told him in a firm but friendly way that I was not interested. He then proceeded to giving me free advice such as a recipe for a drink with a cinnamon stick, lemon juice and apple cider vinegar which is actually tasty. Somehow he was able to get me to start drinking 1 gallon of liquids per day, something that I had not been doing until then. He also texts me so that I would do cardio on days off (when we do not have sessions), something Leticia was not doing. Finally, he is also funny and adorable, like Leticia but in a different way. After just two sessions my muscles have already started feeling toned and I trust that I would get back in shape despite this unfortunate lapse in not doing anything from April through early Sept.

Leticia, in the meantime, has gone incommunicado.

• Issue one
  
  It is exactly one month before our ballet date with Leticia. I would like to start searching for another person to go to that ballet with. If I wait till the last moment, I may not find anyone. This requires advance planning. I do not want to waste money on the second ticket. Should I send her one last email telling her that if she is not positively certain that she will be able to make the ballet date, I will need to look for someone else who will be able to go and pay for the 2nd ticket?
  
• Issue two
  
  Do I tell her that I have another trainer and that I have signed a contract for 3 months or do I break the news to her if and only if she writes to me first? Do I owe it to her to be gentle with her? I do get that people have quirks, that she can be unprofessional, that the relationship between her and her many siblings in light of this impending sale of the house of their grandmother may be strained, but she has taken it too far.
  
• Issue three
  
  If I end up liking working with the Turkish guy, I expect to be able to ask him to train me directly, without the company via which he came to me (similar to how I did it with Leticia). I already know that he can do that because when I asked about whether he would be able to train my friends who live farther from San Jose, he said that it is a little far but if they were going to pay him directly, he would make it work. So after three months, if I like him, I could get the same deal with him as I had with Leticia. And ultimately it will come down not only to my subjective liking but also to achieved results, although of course these two things are related. So suppose after three months I actually choose to stay with him even if Leticia is back by then. What do I do about the money I prepaid shortly after she left? If I train with the Turkish guy 3 times a week, do I work with her on the 4th day (I can do that and it probably will be beneficial for me) to let her pay me back, so to speak, via services provided, or do I ask her to give me a refund? I am concerned, knowing her, that she has long spent that money and I would not want to put a strain on her by requesting a refund. At the same time I am a little annoyed that she has allowed herself to behave so unprofessionally towards me and I suspect that our becoming friends was to blame.
  
• Issue four, related to issue three
  
  Say she comes back and say that I simply miss her and the sessions with her but ALSO like working with the Turkish guy and do not want to give him up, either (and have better results with him, maybe). Say he gives me, directly, the same rate as hers so money-wise I would be indifferent between the two. Is it even OK to have two trainers, say him twice a week and her once or twice a week or vice versa or is imperative that one and the same professional oversee the training program?
  
• Last issue, related to issue two.
  
  Do I tell her anything at all regarding the extreme oddity of her behavior? Would she benefit from hearing from me, if she does not realize it by herself, that this is not how one treats long-term customers? Would I be a better friend to her if I tell her, so that she has constructive feedback and may change her ways, or would it come across as cruel if I tell her?