Does anyone else deal with really bad dissociation to the point it makes you low functioning? I deal with this every single day. It doesn't matter if I am alone in my apartment (I live alone) or if I am out or around people. Throughout the day time will pass, hours will go by and before I know it, I am asking myself where did 4 hours go? It is a state of depression and low energy, sometimes shock with anxiety. I think it is like a defense mechanism maybe, my way of escaping. I am sober now, so instead of getting high or drinking, I do a mental checkout. I can do it at will but also it happens if I am not feeling that well. It feels time consuming and like I cannot get anything done because my mind is absent.

For example, yesterday I met up with a family member at a diner. And during the down time when we were in-between talking and were quiet, I would look up at the t.v. and not watch it but space out looking at it. Also for half the time I was there I was staring at my straw spacing out, but it actually felt good, it felt comfortable and safe. I guess when I do this while I am out, it is to avoid outside stimuli that may trigger me and bring me close to an episode. And when I do this when I am by myself, I do it to avoid my thoughts and emotions. My family member noticed I was staring at my straw but didn't say anything. Also, last time I was on a plane, during the flight I was staring at the screen in front of me, spacing out, only thing was the screen was off, and the lady sitting next to me stared at me and noticed, it felt very embarrassing like I must look like there is something wrong with me.

Does anyone else deal with this? What is your experience with it? Found any better or healthier alternatives?