I mistakenly thought that therapy would fix me. I spent more than a decade seeing bad therapists, then found a good one that I have been with for 7 years. I think my goal was to become ‘normal’, a goal that I soon found out was not attainable.

I have had many life changes in this time, changes jobs, left people behind, gained new people that also did not stick around. So I think I may have changed, yet I am still stuck with some patterns that just do not go away. It seems to be based on luck at this point, like who I meet and what opportunities I get.

My therapist no longer guides the way, in terms of trying to get me to see my job is crap or the people around me don’t love me. I know that now. So I go there weekly and complain that I’m lonely, I’m struggling being a mum, that I have no prospects. He listens. I leave. Same again next week. Time to give up?