Have Hope

I was divorced in March, separated almost a year ago in Oct. It's been nearly a year of being single again.

I dated a guy casually for 2 months around the time of my divorce. That ended because I started to develop feelings and wanted more closeness, but he kept me at arms length, so we cut loose.

I am out having a good time on my own, meeting and making new friends, males and females. I love live music the most, so that is what I do in my free time. I go to shows alone, meet people or see acquaintances I know, and I typically have a great time.

I've met two men over recent months and I've been hanging out with each of them periodically. I am not dating either one of them, but I am feeling it out with them and am getting to know them to see if I DO want to date.

Guy #1 keeps me at a distance - just like my former lover. We have fun together, but in between times that we see each other, he doesn't communicate with me at all. We've had some hot and heavy make out sessions each time we've seen each other and there's an unmistakable attraction between us. He is having a social gathering early Oct and he got us a hotel room for the night. You can read into what that likely means.... I am gathering that this man, like my former lover, doesn't want a relationship but something more casual. I agreed to spend the night with him, but now I am wondering if I shouldn't.

And that's because of guy #2. I just returned from a weekend of camping at a music festival with guy #2, who invited me to go with he and his best girlfriends. We had SO much fun!!!! It was an amazing festival and an amazing experience. I met three incredible women who were SO welcoming of me, with open arms and lots of heartfelt love in the air. Wonderful people! And guy #2 and I hung out all weekend, and we kissed at different times throughout the night. We slept side-by-side in a tent together, but did not have sex. We agreed not to do that, but we did snuggle. It was the nicest evening I have spent with a man in a long, long time. It felt good to lay my head on his chest, and I felt safe and comfortable. He was also very complimentary of me all weekend, he treated me to everything, and told me that he's going to spoil me.

I did tell guy #2 this weekend that I am hanging out with another man, very casually. I wanted to be honest and upfront, so I informed him. He interprets that as meaning he has competition.

Guy #2 talks to me everyday on messenger. We say good morning and good night to each other every day practically, with heart emojis and what not. I like that he is communicative versus guy #1 who is not at all communicative. He runs his own home building business and is very successful. He has his own home and a 13-year old son who lives with him during the week days. I like him... the more time I spend with him, the more appealing he is to me. But I want to get to know his character, see how he treats me and learn whether he is trustworthy. For me, trust is earned now and not immediately granted blindly. I told him this.

There are some rumors and negative gossip running around about guy #2, spread only by one person who's got some major issues. He told me it's not true and it has to do with another woman. This woman offered to talk to me directly about him and about this negative gossip, which she herself denies is true. So I believe him and not the person who is spreading the rumor.

I feel cautious and wary, while I am also having fun. This go around, I want to be far pickier about whom I choose to actually date.

In the meantime, I am having a TON of fun doing what I am doing, being free and being able to pick and choose amongst the suitors out there.

Guy #2 wants to visit me next weekend, and I think I may allow it. He wants to go kayaking, which I would love to do with him.

So I am playing the field a bit and it feels empowering. I've never really done that.... it's the most freeing feeling in the world!

And I don't see anything wrong with telling guy #2 that there is another guy in the picture (a little bit). I think it's best to not let men believe we are so easy to get or easy to catch. I am not doing it on purpose, but I do know one thing: men like and prefer the hard to get women. Not the easy ones who immediately jump into bed.

So there it is.... I am enjoying my newly single life again, after coming out of a very dark place that I was stuck in for many years with my ex husband.

This thread is for talking about these experiences, as I move forward being single and free again.

Any supportive comments are welcomed.

__________________
"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination"

~4 Non Blondes