My parents kept my diagnoses of bipolar depression from me since high school and the past two years I have been experiencing horrible manic episodes and have lost so many relationships, jobs and time. I came to my mom recently telling her I need help and I dont understand why this keeps happening when I know what I'm doing wrong, I just dont know why I cant stop impulsivly making these decisions. She told me everything and she assumed I was managing my regular bipolar symptoms without medication but knew this would be a possibility once I got into my mid 20s. I'm seeing someone for treatment and joining groups. But if I had known about my illness things could have been so different. It's still so hard to accept everything I have done and think about the what ifs. I just started school again and don't even know how to focus after finding this out. I'm already in a personality crisis from seeing myself change so much from the constant manic episodes that I'm scared of how I will become once I'm on medication. I know it is all for the best and it takes time but for right now the endless thoughts are so suffucating. Sorry for the long explination, its hard when no one I know can relate to what I'm going through.