Once again stopping by to wish all of you well. I have made a sham of my posts, just as my life is a sham. I have sunk to such lows that it disgusts me when I even think aobut it. I started reading the replies to my other post and I couldn't even get through them. The stress that I am experiencing now is unimaginable... pains in my chest, nausea, diarhea... all things I know that I deserve. I guess I was looking for an escape. And escape from the pain that I was going through resulting from poor decisions I made in my past. The irony of this is that my behavior resulted in me losing so much more. The loss of my best friend, lover and someone that had the potential to be a lifelong partner. I know now I should of placed my energies there to achieve the peace I was looking for. The loss of her and the shame and humliation is unbearable at this point. Once again I am so sorry for misusing this board. I have turned out to be quite a disappointment to many people, mostly myself.