I get where you're coming from, I'm mixed as well with Greek, Apache, Dutch and Spanish (Roots date back to Basque and Sephardic Jews). I've been approached by many people asking if I'm biracial because of my olive skin, facial features and ringlet curly hair. I will say it is very hard knowing where I fit in as well, but at this current time I've given up on fitting into social functions and society. I don't want to belong, and I want to be left alone. My mother is white holds some racist type views despite her raising us up from a family where we learned to be accepting of people's differences, I don't know what made her change.

But even trying to find my Indigenous roots, it's left me stuck because once you learn the indigenous community doesn't like Mixed white blood they hold that view of us as tainted and not Indigenous at all. But I sure do remember my Apache grandmother loving us, before she passed away from lupus complications when I was four. When I look at pictures and see myself I see a reflection of my grandmother Lorry. And even other family members would say I definitely look like her,

It's like people want me to belong, yet at the same time I'm being told we don't want to accept you for who you are. This is what has me torn.

I've decided to stay away from all forms of Identity, and call myself a blank slate. Even how I dress, what my interests, and whatever personality people say I have, I don't associate myself with.

Being aloof and disconnected from the world around me is my way of coping with this.