(((ginniesky))) I think it's great that you're doing what your T suggested! I often don't do what my T says, leads me into big trouble hehe.

It's really tough "coming to terms" with your feelings for an abuser / for the abuse itself and the people concerning it - you tend to feel bad because you feel you deserve it. It's hard to believe - but really, you don't. You don't deserve any type of hurt. No one does. Basic human rights. :-)

But you also have the right to feel mad. Do you sometimes let your anger out? It helps! It really does. You could try throwing pillows or go outside kick dirt or something along those lines.

I also like Christina's idea of painting. Through art you can express all kinds of emotions and it's safe too.

Hope you are managing. You might feel alone - but you have us and you can come here anytime. (((safe hugs)))