I know what you mean @RDMercer and when I was younger I would leave relationships when they were no longer healthy enough to stay but now I'm fifty and have multiple sclerosis. My husband is also sick and I've been taking care of him for the last twelve years, it's very hard to abandon a dependant person even if they treat you badly. (We may be codependent?)

I'm too tired to start over and too tired to fight (so I don't want to enrage him even more). I think my inner fire went out or something, I want to just give up and give in to whatever happens (because I read that suffering is resistance to what is) but I'm still reacting and resisting because I don't want to lose myself or become a broken version of myself and yet in a way that's exactly what I want. The drip, drip, drip of suffering is getting me to a point of just wishing for an all consuming *something* to wipe me out once and for all, but like I say, I still resist and harbour survival tactics.