I don't understand myself. Yesterday I said that I would fight my depression. Today I feel very miserable.

I have tried to push it away (the sadness, the tiredness, the no-motivation "thing"), as if it is some sort of a will-sake.

Depression isn't that! I woke up at 03:35. I haven't slept since. Now it is almost 12:00 here in the Greenwich +1 zone. Oh my G.. More than 8 hours since I woke up.

I have moved, have a lot to unpack and have already unpacked a lot. I have even had a small dinner party at the kitchen some days ago. The kitchen is the only room without stuff that needs to be unpacked.

I say to myself: STOP, it is natural that you feel tired. Everybody become tired after moving.

I think I need to accept that depression has caught me even if I didn't want it so. There is no magic in that I understand neuro-science better with regard to my health. I know well that I need a good structure around my activities during the day to master them. And now all my normal routines are gone (for a while).

According to the neuro-s-book gratefulness is of great help when depressed. I have started to unpack one box my grown up children packed for me. I do really feel grateful for their help! Without them I wouldn't have been able to move at all. And when I am thinking of that; I am grateful for my family, for children and grandchildren, for siblings. Of course siblings can have their fights, but in general our relationship is good.

Sorry for ranting, but I felt that I needed to do so for my own wellbeing. It helped a bit to see what I have to be grateful for. I even have a wonderful view from this place. Grateful. I also needed to accept that it is no catastrophe if my SAD has caught me early. (I can see that so far I have been self-blaming and expecting too much of myself).

I am loading the batteries for my Light lamp now.

Tomorrow my new stove will come, so I need to be up early for that. I will use my light lamp first.

I hope this is a realistic plan for the next week: Up early using light lamp every day. Do physical exercises, repeating my CBT tools and then go out for a walk. If I need a rest after the walk I will let it be so. The rest of the unpacking can be done in small portions according to my energy. (Buy the way: another uplifting topic I can be grateful for is my health. I can take longer walks then before without being exhausted).

For those who managed to read all: Thank you! May your own day be as good as possible!