This lack of sleep is making me want to say "screw all the skills I've learned over the past two months" and go down to the city my dad lives in and do all the drugs to self-medicate. But I said I wouldn't let the "f**k it's" get to me, so I won't.

Another reason I need to be off benzos: I read they're positive reinforcers in alcoholics so the more often you take benzos the more you'll crave alcohol. So I pretty much said "screw it, I'm stopping the ativan cold turkey" and so far nothing bad has happened. I mean it's not like I can get much less sleep, and I'm still on the valium and two anticonvulsants so I think I'm safe from seizures.