Dear E: I wonder if it should just be “T,” as I didnt hear from T at all this week, nor did i try and contact her. I feel like she’s been trying to squeeze me in every week, and I feel bad enough about that, but add on the fact that i am not paying, is too much. I know i’ve seen her for 8 years, and I probably shouldn’t just let our relationship just sort of stop like that. Also, i probably won’t reach out to her either. I know I should be feeling some sort of feeling around this, but I don’t, at least not right now.

I feel so stupid that I keep emailing you when i know that you can’t do therapy over email. it just was a rough rest of the week, and today was especially hard with the self-hatred and body image stuff. I don’t even think i conveyed the level of my despair very well, either. what do you do when you can’t stand being in your own body anymore? but only do things to make you feel worse about it? wtf, E?! I don’t know.