Hi emily1890.

Wanting to die as a happy person doesn't at all strike me as weird. In fact in that respect I think it's actually quite common. I'm guessing you aren't happy right now though, am I correct? Well then, why not make your desire of dying happy be the reason to live? You could use the time allotted you in this difficult human realm, to achieving the inner happiness you want emily1890. That could be your goal, your dream. Look for the little things in life which might bring you a smile: a beautiful sunset, a magnificent sunrise, the birds chirping in trees, a nice cup of tea with marmalade on toast in the morning. Seek and ye shall find, my friend, that is the gist of my message. There are joys in life and dark clouds too, yes. And I am certain that in the the seeking of things which bring a smile, eventually the dark clouds become less and less dark, more bearable, departing quicker, again, a reason to smile, moving closer to your dream. No one is going to tell you to throw in the towel. 🙏Anyway, that's all I have to share at this point emily1890. Hugs to you!