---I do get sad sometimes, I don't know if you ever have this feeling, that I don't have a partner in things and my emotional support system via my husband that used to be there isn't. I do really miss that and the feeling of being a team. But, either it will come back in time or it won't and I will have to decide what to do about that.---

100% yes. I could have written this exactly. The loneliness is terrible at times. He's not in a place where he can offer productive support. He's trapped in a selfish world. You're right, at a point you may realize that you want, and are going to seek, something more for yourself.

IMO, it's harder when you have younger children. That's very tiring even with a good two person team. When there's any breakdown in that, life's that much harder.

Now that DD is older and a little more self sufficient, so am I in a lot of ways. I don't *need* other people quite as much, though it would be very nice to have more of that at times. In my pervasive loneliness, though, I've become one of those people who will chat with just about anyone. You know what? There are a lot of very lonely people out there who enjoy random five and ten minute conversations too. Still, it's not the same as that deeper connection we both feel like we enjoyed at one time. I work on other aspects of myself for the time being.

There's a relationship expert (can't think of her name right now) who says that people leave when they're ready to leave. Her experience is that there isn't some designated time to call it quits, it's just something you'll know. You know why where you are is the right place to be at present, and if that changes, you'll be the first to know.

Did you feel validated by the therapist this week in regard to her acknowledging that the therapy is much more about him? It sounds like in some ways she's on the same page as you, understanding his limitations in regard to being able to productively work on the marriage, or respect what's fair to ask of you.

I'm somewhat curious about what H talks about in his counseling, but the recovering codependent in me has to stay backed away from it. There could be some benefit and ability to help, depending on the circumstances. Are you going to continue to accompany him? What do you think about the possibility of the sister accompanying him? Do you think that might help him? Would she do that? Does he want that? Sorry, that's a lot of questions, but it's an interesting direction. Just spitballing here, but it seems like with the sister there, maybe he'd focus more on the childhood trauma rather than some desire to go outside the marriage?

Your therapist sounds really great. That she gives you a plan of action that feels proactive seems good. Sometimes it's easy to get stuck and lose sight of positive things you can do. And it says a lot about you that you have a growth mindset. Even if he stays stuck somewhere, you are doing things to move yourself forward, right?

And, yeah, when we're in very complex and overwhelming situations, thinking ahead too far isn't helpful.

This week sounds like one that you've done a good job looking after your own needs.

It's been a weird one for us, but you know… more of the same. He looks like he's moved into a more depressed place, but is also putting on this very over the top act of being happy at times. To the point that it comes across as creepy. It feels a lot like borderline personality this week, but also the other things too. Detach, detach, detach….