Artie - sorry for intruding. Two things.

Google Death by a thousand cuts.

You know theres ptsd and theres cptsd, where cptsd is not one big trauma but cumulative occurrences.

You know everyone here will support you whichever way it goes for you.

Maybe theres a way to live more independently - more in line with what you would do IF - even while staying together? Plus it might help him to grow a little.