As for the kids being validated by their mom..... I think that is important, but it's not going to happen. That is what accelerated our demise, in part. I said repeatedly that she couldn't deny the kids' experiences or invalidate that they happened. I said, I trust things happened due to mental health and physical illness and I'm not looking for an apology, but she had to speak to the kids and go to counselling with them and acknowledge that these things occurred.. She refused.

Times the kids pleaded with her about their emotional needs and angst until they were in tears she never waivered; everything was my fault.

So, like Armorplate said, I'm not cussing her out, bashing her to the kids, nothing. But I'm clear with the kids, "You deserved better than you got. You didn't deserve this." And of course they are also validated by me wanting to have time with them.

I drove my daughter to school this morning. She asked if we can workout together tonight; weights and boxing, and she asked if we can go to a car show tomorrow night.

As for ruining me financially..... Yes, she threatened divorce regularly and told me repeatedly how much she was going to take from me. She told me how much her new friends were getting in settlments and that she was getting that much or more.

Over time, it became ridiculous.... She was taking half the house, half my investments, and half my pay until I retired. When I retired she was going to take half my pension income until I died. She was going to have the court force me to leave my job and work remote construction projects where you make big money living in camps. That was stuff she was telling me six months BEFORE we separated. At that time I begged her to stop, said she was listening to people who weren't looking out for her, and to please commit to peace with the kids and family counselling. Now she's still going to take all this, and she's going to sue me for not settling quickly.

There won't be a quick settlement. Basically, we aren't a priority to the family court. The kids are safe, stable, no addiction, no abuse..... Nothing.

If I don't agree to her terms, she has to force it to court for a settlement. That will take another 1.5 to 2 years, because we are such a low priority, in an area with a lot of high priority cases. At which point, she will have to accept that she owes child support, carrying costs and maintenance for the house and our loans, and post secondary costs for the kids. When she is confronted with that i don't know what will happen.

So, I don't know what is ahead.

Money is CRAZY tight, but my son is helping with some expenses and I got a PT side job I'm starting next month.

And.... Did you notice I stopped talking about the new lady that entered my life? She's smart, attractive as heck and just way too.... intense. I'm fine leaving that for coffee and as a work connection, maybe indefinitely.

I'm a good Dad. I'm as regular as the sunrise and as solid as bedrock, and I enjoy my kids, and I enjoy teaching and learning with them.

RDMercer