occasionally i get myself into a situation i'd rather not be in.. i have some friends who i care about deeply but they dont always take the best care of themselves... sometimes i find myself with them somewhere and wonder how the heck i got here again.. (in all cases it was my choice)

so sometimes in the course of normal conversation (and normal is relative) i am stuck in a conversation that makes me uncomfortable for whatever reason.. racism is a good example..

a lot of times i find i'm discussing the various news reports of some latest incident that by all accounts is abhorant to me.... lets use a recent example of a father and daughter who were crushed recently by n oncoming subway train in India... terrible story.. they were pushed from the moving train they were on by the conductor... reason? .25 cents short of fare...

i can hardly digest this type of news... turns my stomach and makes me wonder what this world has become...

sometimes my friends will discuss it in their dysfunctional ways and unbelievably, jokes about it surface..

i dont know what people are thinking, makes me ill at times...

so, i feel the need at some points to say so.... its not easy going against the flow.....

at times like that i feel like i'm wrong to speak up cause i know someone in the group is going to take offense... instead of examining the truth of the experience and possibly adjusting their views to be more healthy, they turn against me for objecting to the sick thinking that falls all around me and in turn, has its affect on everything i say and do...

sometimes, in the moment, my heart is racing rapidly and i have a true concern for my physical safety....

and then a miracle happens.... someone in the group backs up my statement... that changes the whole energy flow and the people around me begin to discuss in healthier ways how their own behavior contributes to the pain around us all...

i truly do not enjoy the unpleasant feelings of fear and dysfunction and my own anxiety in these moments..... at times i have literally feared for my life (youre thinking "change friends dummy") ..

doesnt matter... these people are around me at all times.. wherever i go, they are part of my society, doing their 'part'......

i guess we all have 'parts' ....

i just want to live unafraid in my society.. i hope thats not so much to ask....

thanks to the angels and Spirit for miracles