@AzulOscuro don't apologize for delaying the reply. I know you have to deal with issues of your own. I don't care when you reply, I care that you do.

Thanks for saying I'm brave, it feels different when it's someone else than me saying it. I know I'm not perfect, but but I know I'm strong, brave, intelligent and mainly, emotionally very grown-up for my age (also people I could blame for some of my great sufferings told me so). Unfortunately, I must say the world is showinhg me that this and doing my best is NOT enough for things I want in my life (some career/academic success, at least one reliable friend and mainly, finally being in a relationship).

I'm not writing at all. During last two weeks I just wrote an address on a letter I needed to send and wrote one short poem/lyrics. I didn't enjoy it this time and my hand hurt VERY much so I regret it. Working on computer consists of two fingers of my non-dominant hand. One of my recent courses is about designing an application so drawing diagrams...
I will repeat myself, but to emphasise, I don't write at all.
I've been writing this post for 50 minutes, then I pressed post and it logged me out due to inactivity, so here we go again...
The neurologist presctibed a strong painkiller which helps with any pain and inflamation. But it had no effect on me. I was there three weeks ago and my state is constantly worsening so I had no advice from her.
I wish I had people around me who would help me. You were lucky to have those.

I'm not sure if you mean "loss of soulmate" literally. But no matter if you do, I grieve both. I lost a passion which became a part of my personality, lost an important friend and a girl who really seemed to be my real soulmate.

Good that you hope for me. But I haven't seen any light for months despite actively looking for it wherever and whenever possible.