Something's going on, but I don't know what.

I've slept like. 4+ hours 3 times since the 11th and all the other days less than that. I don't give a flying **** about anything. As soon as I got into my home environment I relapsed on opiates Monday (first use since gettign out of rehab) and at some point (yesterday? Idk. definitely today. I'm drunk rn) I relapsed on alcohol. Been self harming. Been sleeping around (hypersexual at all times, sometimes loving it sometimes hating it). Saying "ilove you" n **** but you know I don't mean it. Or I'm afraid to mean it. something. I feel awesome in the mornings, and then I feel not so good and I crave, andI give into the cravings. I had sex witha guy over twice my age for some fentanyl. Have only been taking lamictal for schizoaffective bipolar. dyed my hair at like 2am because waht else are u to tdo?

I need insight. and another drink

I know addiction's at play. But I feel like it's more than that'