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Sounds like you need therapy & to get your own dysfunctional life straightened up before anyone will want to connect closely with you. Just because you want something doesn't mean it is the right time in your life or you are in the right state of mind for it.
My mom didn't have a clue how to be a mom & she & my dad had some huge dysfunctional problems. Speaking from personal experience she/they messed up my childhood & then later on in my life when I needed therapy all she could say was "we never abused you as a child". Abuse is not only physical.
All the traits you listed like jealousy, your emotional disregulation (you can learn to control), ect. .....all drive people away from you not to you. If you want a meaningful relationship (marriage like) you definitely need some good therapy to help you make the changes (that you say you can't help....WRONG, you can!) so you can learn how to have caring, meaningful relationships in your life & not screw up kids lives just cause "you want them". You can have the kind of life you want but it takes work & learning new skills in therapy that it sounds like you don't have. Work on your issues in therapy & in the future you can have the life you want. It is not just an experiment that can fail without messing up other people's lives.
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Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this.
Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018
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