I am not sure you'll find any answers that make you feel better at the moment.
Insight into addiction, illness, family genetics or relationships with family and in general - lots of things are intertwined - not going to figure that all out now so I wouldn't stress about the insights as you asked for in the OP.
If I were in your shoes, I'd try to sleep. Step one. Then take it from there.
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- nothing personal
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