I haven’t been here in a couple of days so I apologize to everyone I haven’t responded to, just know I’m thinking of everyone here and sending positive vibes.

I’ve been feeling strange recently and I wonder if it’s because I stopped the propranolol and lexapro. I’m not depressed, but I’m not 100%. I’m feeling very self conscious, like everyone hates me at work. Like I’m just not doing a good enough job. I feel like I need to prove myself this year since my review last year said I needed to work on my attendance. I still don’t think that was entirely fair because I had medical notes for all my absences. But my point is I feel like no one except my teacher likes me. I feel like I have to actively engage with my coworkers, that if I didn’t say anything I’d be completely ignored. Idk why I’m having such thoughts.

I’m also mildly anxious in general, talking to strangers in stores and stuff. Been using self checkout a lot. I haven’t gotten gas yet because I’m anxious about talking to the attendant (here in NJ we can’t pump our own). But when I’m home I’m perfectly fine. I’m still active, still talking to my boys, not isolating too much. I really don’t know.

I don’t really want to restart the meds bc of how low my heart rate drops in propranolol. I suppose I could restart lexapro, It was more an experiment really to see if I really needed it since I’m on the lowest possible dose. I figured what’s the point, it can’t be doing anything. But maybe it was? I think the increased anxiety is because of propranolol, but I’m just too nervous to take it.