I am incredibly sick of journaling but I feel like I need to do it or something...

I just wanna write my novel. I don't know. Work is fine and all, I have some work, but I just wanna be a creative! Is there something wrong with that? I just wonder, I guess no one really tells me I ought to be a creative and I already have trouble with decision-making, so then does that make me incapable of being a creative? I say no. But it is sometimes really hard when others are "opaque."