Ok, here goes. Some of you already know this but since it'll be a while before we get to it in therapy I'm gonna say it here. I could go into great detail, but I feel it might be inappropriate. When I was 5 years old my sister and I stayed with a babysitter during the day and on Saturday's. The sitter had a very nice pool in her back yard. Summertime, one Saturday, I woke up from my nap late and heard the other kids outside playing and swimming. I thought that it would be fun to go swimming. Always prepared mother that I have, my swimming suit happened to be in my backpack. So I go into the bathroom to change and join the other kids for a fun afternoon. ADHD that I am, I was so excited about swimming that I forgot to lock the bathroom door while I was changing. Her husband walked in. I was embarrassed needless to say. I thought that he was going to turn and leave... that he'd come back to use the bathroom after I had finished changing. Instead, he walked in and shut the door. Skipping all the details, I was raped... at 5 years old... by another man. As he was finishing his oldest son happened to come in. The father told the son that it was his turn. I'm positive that this man did the same thing to his oldest son and I often wonder if he didn't do it to the younger son as well. I was held down (as if there was a need for that since I had become nothing more than a living corpse). The son climbs on. When they are done with me, they leave the bathroom... with me on the floor bleeding. 5 years old and left to clean up the mess. All the while I was told that if I ever said anything of this I would be killed and that I deserved this. I remember feeling as if I were not in my body... like I was watching from somewhere else seeing something I didn't want to see. I remember hearing the other children playing just outside and thinking that I just wanted to be out there. Well, that's my story. It happened more than once I'm sure, but I just can't remember. Thanks for reading.

Ryan