Well, so guy #2 is out and interestingly enough, guy #1 is still available and interested!!

So, guy #1 and I are talking again and are trying to figure out dating because he lives about 1.5 hours away from me and he is also very busy with 2 jobs. I texted guy #1 last Friday night while crap was going down with guy #2. I told guy #1 that I missed him and wish I was with him. He told me he misses me too, so when I broke it off with guy #2, we started talking again.

There's something about guy #1 that I cannot pinpoint that strongly attracts me to him. There's something in his eyes - whether it's a kindness or hidden pain behind his eyes I cannot tell - or maybe both. I feel like I can see a view into his soul when I look into his blue eyes, and it's intense. We have something intense between us and it's more than just physical attraction. It feels like a soul-level attraction, so deeper. I told him this at one point.. that there was something stronger between us beyond my comprehension.

He's super cute too and one years older than me. I like that. Guy #2 was just kind of average looking, six years younger than me, and he has very small, beady eyes. I didn't really like his eyes, and eyes are a big thing for me. You can read people through their eyes and through the look in their eyes. And guy #2's eyes were so beady and small, that I wasn't as attracted physically or emotionally.

Why I chose guy #2 over guy #1? Guy #2 communicated far more with me - every day.. every morning and night. Guy #1 didn't communicate at all in between times we saw each other. So, we would get together, make out and then not talk for 2 weeks. It was too distant for me. And when I told guy #1 that I wanted to go with guy #2, I told him that he didn't communicate with me. So now he's trying to communicate more with me. He's reached out twice this week to say hello via text. It was a nice surprise to hear from him. I think I must have had some impact on him because of my complaint and observation. He's making more of an effort with me, and I appreciate that.

So, now I am moving towards dating guy #1 again. And I am thankful that he is still around, still interested, and still available. He says he is not interested in anyone else, and I told him the same. He says he really likes me a lot and wants to spend time with me and get to know me better. I'd like him to take me to dinner. Like a real date. So far, he's taken me to a private pool party and a baseball game. But I'd also love to do a more traditional type of date night.

I'm excited about him. I've let go of guy #2 at this point. I was saddened for 2 days about it, but I'm over it. Moving on. He's not for me and he's not the one. I refuse to be around cocaine and people who are doing cocaine on any level. NOT my scene. Sure, I can party, stay up late, and have fun with people, but not in that way. I like my sleep, and I hate the way it feels the next day. I like having serotonin in my brain. Cocaine robs your brain of serotonin. And I've seen loads of bad stuff happen with cocaine. Lots. All negative. NO thank you.