I have PTSD after a bone marrow transplant for leukaemia 2 years ago... following a year-long recovery I have had hypomanic episodes and now I am in depression since July 2023.
Pre-cancer diagnosis I had treatment for MDD about 10 years ago... they had me on SSRI's; escitalopram mclobemide fluoxetine olanzapine quetiapine- the only thing that seemed to help was the Seroquel 150mg at night for about 4-5 months. The depression didn't lift and I got so low I had an attempt. Quit everything after that but continued with the Seroquel for another 3 months or so which helped me sleep and slightly helped with distress. I was in a depression for over a year.
Things got 100% better a couple of years later when I reached a new bottom and started IV ketamine treatment. After about 6-8 treatments I felt like a new person and was comparatively stable for 2 or 3 years with depressions lighter and lasting only 2 or 3 weeks vs months.
Then Covid happened and I got my cancer diagnosis and was in a system shock for a year or so. I was bizzarely switching from cheerful to being in shock until I got my transplant and then spent a year of pain in recovery. The depression returned and then hypomania soon after for a couple of months. The good news is I am in remission yet the depression has returned harder than before with anxiety thrown in the mix.
I tried ketamine infusions recently and they did nothing. My new psyh diagnosed me with bp2. Now I am on Abilify (aripiprizole) and titrating Lamictal (lamotrigine) to treat this current spell of depression.
I cry daily and spontaneously when I'm not staring at my computer screen with no interest at all. I have days of clarity where I can do some self-care and do simple things like washing/tidying-up and cooking, or join a forum such as this today.
I have forgotten who I am and what dreams and goals I have for the future are fleeting fantasies. I just don't care anymore. I can not concentrate on anything for more than a few minutes- I just turn myself off and cry. I have left the house 3 or 4 times in the last 4 months. My friends and family avoid me as much as I avoid them (staying in bed most days).
I am using valium once every evening to deal with anxiety wich seems to help with the crying.
I am here to share my story and get advice on treatment plans to deal with this horrible depression. Am I missing something?