Thank you so much. I have been mostly sober intermittently for at least 4 years (no recreational drugs/alcohol/smoking tobacco). The relapses are minor (1 beer a month or 1 cigarette every 2 or 3 weeks, maybe a puff of a cannabis vape 2 or 3 times a week). I know that cannabis use can set off psychosis so I avoid it as much as I can. When I am 'well'- it has no place in my life. Ironically, I started using it again (not heavily as before in my 20's/early 30's) after my chemo to manage pain and appetite but have gone without for weeks since then, but that doesn't change my situation. I have mostly eliminated these self-medicating substances from my life but when at low or high points I tend to slip a little.

It has been a pattern in my life to avoid things like nicotine caffeine and thc when I am trying to overcome depression- but these days I feel I am falling back to old habits only because I am so desperate to move on. I have no interest in using after what I've been through.

I will definitely take your advice and avoid! It's just been so difficult to deal with the suffering.

I know from experience that things DO get better... it's just that I don't have the luxury of time. I am in distress most days but that seems to be improving. I've got no more tears to shed.