Today I broke. If I had jumped into my plan this morning, I am sure things would have become better, but I didn't. Oh no, I did not scream or anything like that. It was more like I froze into some sort of a statue and sat there without moving. Have heard that that is a (bad) way of coping with anxiety.

I think it has been too much for me. First was the "honey moon" after the moving, the happiness over getting a new nice place to live. Then I moved forward in steps that was adequate for my situation, unpacking and so on in a tempo that included my physical exercises as well, but I didn't follow my usual plans and did not prepare for how to meet triggers until this happening with my mother (a well known aspect of my life - which I have tried to live with as best as possible, overlooking these "traits" of her, and try to focus on her positive ones).

I think this happened because I wasn't prepared to meet something extraordinary or wasn't ready to look out for triggers.

I have slowly, slowly brought myself back to the here and now, now. I will try to make my myself a priority list for things that needs to be done that do not fit into my ordinary weekly planner and follow the planner as best as I can. The most important will be my repetitions of CBT tool every morning and my walks. I will track my CBT repetitions and my physical activities for two weeks and see how it goes.

I will write a short note here every day for a week or two.

(By the way: I have managed well enough for about six weeks without schedules or plans. Must not forget to give myself credit for that ).

To my fellow sufferers here: I hope your lives are manageable!