Griffe,

You're not stupid. Abused children learn false lessons about themselves and how they fit into the world, how they should be treated, what they are worth ... In recovery, we have to teach ourselves new lessons, healthy and loving ones about our worth as people and about our ability to make safe and loving choices for ourselves.

The painful, distorted lessons of the past do not, unfortunately, die with those who abused us.

Peace comes with recovery, not with the death of those who tortured us.

Embrace your role as a father. By rejecting what was done to you, you are already a better father. By having grown to reach out for help here, and helping others here as you do, you are already a better father. By feeling your grief, by feeling your love, and by simply caring about how you are doing as a father, you are already a better father than you were ever taught by example.

As someone once wrote to me, "undefeated, my dear friend, rejoice in your tears."

Be well,

mtd