Hi lauren_helene. That is good your H likes your couples therapist. Do you like her? Are you finding the counseling helpful?

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The confusing part is T...he has switched his stance on my marriage all of the sudden. Now I have a great guy versus two years of talking about how my husband doesn't "get me".

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Why don't you asked him why he changed his mind? That must be very confusing for you. In any case, you are the expert on your own marriage, not T, so if you think your husband doesn't get you, there is probably something to it. And maybe your H is a "great guy", but still not the right guy for you. You know what I mean?

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I'm wondering if he is worried that some of my acting out between sessions will come out in couples counseling and he'll be blamed. Of course that would be silly to think because I make my own decisions.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I doubt he would be blamed for that. That's dysfunctional behavior he is probably trying to help you with so he wouldn't be "blamed" for it. Are you working on that in therapy?

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I'm guessing here but all of the sudden this switch went off and it is making me feel more trapped than I already did.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">It sounds like the empathy and understanding you used to get from your T on the marriage issue is now gone. Does that make it seem like therapy is not a safe place to right now? That would be very hard.

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T's advice was be grateful for my great husband, child (well that is true), we both have good jobs and a nice house.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Hmmmm, that sounds a bit superficial. But maybe you can improve things in the marriage--understanding, communication, empathy, etc.--and things will be better. It is great to have a house and job, that's true. But it's not always enough to make a person happy.

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I'm considering giving up the couples counseling because perhaps I should find out who I am before couples stuff.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">It is hard to make marriages wait when they are at a crisis point. Are you at a crisis? Things don't get better on their own. Plus you have your son to consider. I am sure you want a healthy marriage for his sake too. I hope you can keep up with the couples counseling.

I don't know what to say about your T. You often seem so at odds with him. I hope he can explain why he has suddenly switched his views on your H. If it is too hard to do both individual and couples therapy simultaneously, maybe it would be helpful to take a break from individual therapy and focus on the marriage counseling. Just for a while. It is such a positive thing that your H agreed to the couples therapy, it could be a real missed opportunity if you stop now. Because your H might not want to do it again (in 3 months? a year? 2 years?) if you quit now. On the other hand, if you know without a doubt that you want out of the marriage, I can see how you wouldn't want to continue....

Best of luck to you with this. Couples therapy is not for the faint of heart!