RS was quite ill again yesterday, same as when he thought he had food poisoning two weeks ago. I now believe he never had food poisoning, which is kind of what I was leaning toward when he was sick two weeks ago because we couldn’t figure out what could have possibly given him food poisoning in the first place. Anyway I’ve made him promise to call his dr tomorrow and make an appointment ASAP. Obviously something is wrong, you shouldn’t be immobilized with stomach cramps and continuous vomiting and diarrhea every two weeks. I’m leaning toward IBS or diverticulitis. I’ve told him to start paying attention to what he eats and what makes him feel bad and cut out the fast food for lunch. I cook healthy dinners but he doesn’t bring lunch to work, he often buys lunch and doesn’t make the best choices. I’m not a perfect person myself, I’ve been eating a lot better but I’m still having trouble with bingeing here and there. But in general he eats worse than I do. I’m hoping it’s not something more serious but I can’t let my imagination run away with me, I can’t invite that kind of anxiety into my life unless it’s warranted. I’m already terrible with the death anxiety. Just this morning I realized I hadn’t heard from CR this weekend yet (he was with my mom for the weekend) and I thought they could both be dead from a carbon monoxide leak. That’s just wild. But this is where my mind goes. He’s fine btw, he’s home. No problem. So point is RS is going to go to the dr and we’ll take it from there. I hope it’s nothing serious and easily resolved, he was so sick and in so much pain. He’s fine now, so whatever it is it’s not constant, just flare ups. We’ll see.

I was fine all weekend except for the worry for RS but this evening a veil of depression just dropped over my head out of nowhere. I just wanted to lay in bed and stare. And I would have except RS came and laid down with me so I had to pretend I was fine. I hate that. I don’t usually do that with him but I just didn’t feel like talking at all. He would have wanted to know why and I have no explanation. I do hope I feel better in the AM as I have to work and it’s only Monday, I’ve got a long week ahead of me if I’m depressed. I have an ECT treatment scheduled for November 10 and I can go earlier if I need to but I’d have to take off and I’m trying to keep my attendance up.

Could be SAD starting as it is getting dark earlier but that usually doesn’t really set in for me until it’s been cold for awhile, like January. But it also could be from the worry, sometimes when I’m really stressed out depression comes marching in to make things harder than they need to be. We’ll see.