Crisis center said I'll never recover. Was originally pissed, but believe them now. Since getting into treatment, I've been constantly switching between "must self-destruct until I die and bring everyone down with me" with "yeah, I want to be successful in life and spread the love," but "recovery mode" only lasts a few hours--a couple days. I'm sick of it, my treatment team is sick of it, everyone that cares about me is sick of it. They say addicts must reach bottom before really getting better. I think my bottom is six feet under. I don't understand any other "bottom," (Well, I do, but that's besides the point )

Maybe I should reword this how to stop being a crisis junkie? Because that's what it boils down to.