So I don't like anyone leaving the house at this point. I worry about it and have soul crushing anxiety over it all night to the point of paranoia. I'm to overwhelmed even to think about cooking. I need help. I'm planning on taking a shower this week at some point but for now breathing is difficult due to anxiety. My dog won't leave my side either so I know I'm not doing well. I still don't have a pdoc or t. I can't bring myself to call and ask. Then I would have to leave my bed and go to an appointment. I don't know why I can't deal well but financially it's hurting us. Christmas is in two months and there's no way we are able to get things for everyone we need too. He's parents don't know about Victoria yet because they'll disown us. I don't know what is wrong with me. Maybe he's right I am depressed just not as depressed as normal. I'm not talking. He's not interacting with me. I'm so lonely and it's my fault. I do nothing all day except lay in bed staring at what H is doing on the computer. I don't talk here or on FB or IRL. Victoria comes and talks to me in bed everyday. This can't be good for my CP. I'm having to ask for help with everything because I can no longer open food packages and things. I know it's progressive and I'm supposed to be wheelchair bound by now and I'm not and I'm grateful for that but it's hard living in an unadaptable house.