I woke up fighting mad. Idk why. I actually got mad at RS last night for the first time ever in our relationship. Like not annoyed, angry. It was justified and I did talk to him because I was so mad I was going to explode. I went in my room to calm down and think of the right, non accusatory words to say. Then I said them. He didn’t respond right away but I wasn’t looking for a fight, just to get my feelings out. Later he apologized and I apologized for my somewhat angry approach. So it all worked out. But this morning the angry energy was still there. Work has actually been helpful because I could expend the energy.

But now I’m coming down and feeling depressed. I have a therapy appointment today so I’ll talk with her. Idk if I should try to get an ECT treatment early, I have one scheduled in ten days. I kinda want to see where this goes but things can also deteriorate rapidly for me. I have a bit of passive SI already, and some fleeting SH thoughts. By this time next week I could be fully sui and have constant SH thoughts, or I could be fine in a couple of days. Hard to tell. I really don’t want to take off work, I’m really trying to do the treatments on my days off instead of taking a day.