Good for you! You are releasing the negatives that only serve to cause YOU more pain. You are slowly allowing yourself to see the dysfunction that there was nothing you could do to change.
It’s very hard when we give our love to someone who cannot love back in the same way. Yes, it’s a loss and a very deep disappointment. You have the ability to love and from what you have shared your wife doesn’t. Instead your wife is a user and you can’t have a healthy relationship with someone like that. It won’t matter who she hooks up with her goal is to “use”.