I did go out, but didn't feel well. I had a haircut and I ate dinner out with wine. The wine was very helpful in calming me down. ( Be careful with alcohol.).

I went to the grocery shop and in addition to he groceries I bought candy, (not good for a diabetic like me ). I ate and ate candy as if my life was dependent on it. I think I was angry as well, and that all the chewing of the sweets was some sort of biting the anger away. A protest against how my life is (I did take my diabetes meds afterward).

Some times life is really hard! One becomes frustrated over always have to think before one acts if one wants to be healthy. With that said, I want to say that the perspective Alex Corb (Ph.D) gives with suggesting that we can have inherited important brain circuits from our fore-mothers or forefathers (either smaller or bigger then usual, more or less active than those who represent the so called normal populations), is a perspective I can live with. I have inherited my father's nose, my mothers hands and so on. If I can live with that, why shouldn't I be able to live with my inherited brain structure in certain areas. That takes away the shame!

We have known for years that physical exercises is good for our total health. But it is first now, we learn (at least it is the first time for me) that if we don't exercise, it can happen that we continue to stay depressed and that exercise grows "positive nerve cells" for people of all ages.

Professor Corb talks about many other tools then exercises in his book (which all can be placed into the CBT frame if one wants to), but he gives us the advice to start with a physical activity of some sort and then fill in with all the other tools.

Tomorrow I will get up early, do my morning routine and then walk to the nursing home to visit a relative. I will walk home afterward as well.

Before I go, I will make a plan for how to behave when I am back home. My weak point is that when I lack a plan, my thoughts often drifts. For the time being I need a plan to keep track. That is another strength with the professor's work that we have to take responsibility for our own weaknesses. He tells about himself that for him some kind of loneliness comes after he has written something. His solution is to take his PC to a coffee shop. That is clever! And so do we have to be. We have to search out our weaknesses and decide the best way to live with them, not to overcome them or get rid of them, but to find solutions to live well with them.

Sorry for the long post, but I felt so for telling why I am doing what I try to do.

May everyone here find solutions that work for them!