You seem to rationalize a lot and it seems like this lady does too. Why not just go with what you two feel? If you two aren’t having sex, it doesn’t matter how much and to what depth you two are analyzing it. You either do or you don’t. It almost feels that you two aren’t interested in each other in that way, otherwise you’d be “doing” rather than “talking about doing”

There is no “secret knowledge” of most exciting positions as it’s all subjective. Whatever is the most exciting for a person.